Dear Diary- Part 1

Monday, 04November 2002

Dear Diary,

9am

It's 9am, I am pacing back and forth the corridor and becoming visibly upset as I wait for Mrs Morgan.

"what right thinking human would fix an appointment for 08:30, knowing fully well that early mornings was an impossible task for them?" .

I really hate this, I really do.  

9:20am

Mrs Morgan finally turned up. And yes, you guessed right, I went nuts on her. Well, it wasn't my fault, she asked for it. I mean, she had the guts to tell me off for rolling my skirt up. She can't even do something as simple as keep to time, but then she thinks it's okay to read out the school's constitution to me and make sure I adhere to them and what's worse she managed to convince the head teacher to book me in for another guidance and counselling session...argh!

08:30pm

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Nothing happened. I'm going to bed now Stacey, yes Stacey, I'm sure you love your new name.

Friday, 08November 2002

Dear Diary,

08:30pm

Remember when I said I wouldn't get into any trouble for the rest of the week? Good. I was keeping to that until Kevin came to sit right opposite me during lunch.

Do you remember Kevin? The same one that I had the "little" incident with in year 7, yes that one.

So, I'm sitting by myself as usual and next thing I know, he's sitting right opposite me. I just couldn't hide my disgust and I packed up my lunch and tried to leave the table. But no, he wasn't having it. He held on to my tray as tightly as possible and in the process of trying to get it off him, he spilled my drink. That just did it for me.

Stacey, I have to say, up until this point, I had said nothing to him, just because I was trying to keep my promise to you. But, I'm pretty sure you would agree with me that he was  at fault. You do right? I always knew I could count on you, my very best friend. You know everything and I mean every single thing, but yet you don't judge me. Well, maybe that's because you've got no mouth to speak and you're just  a diary. Sigh, I always forget that. But it doesn't matter, in my world you exist and that's all that matters.

So back to my story, I don't know what happened, all I know was I could feel my fist making haste to meet with his face, I tried to stop me, but I couldn't.
Few minutes later and we were both standing in front of the Principal, Mr Graham. God knows I hate that man's guts. Hahaha, funny I said God, he doesn't exist. You of all people know that Stacey, we've been through it all together. Where was the so called god then?.

Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling now and just say I got into detention AGAIN! I'm sorry I let you down Stacey. I'm going to bed now and once again, I'm sorry!

Tuesday, 12 November 2002.

Dear diary,

Today is my second meeting with the guidance counsellor- Mrs Morgan. I'm sure you can tell how upset I am. Seriously though, why are people so quick to attempt to fix other people's problems when they can't even do anything about their pathetic lives? Wasn't it just a couple of months ago that she got divorced. Why couldn't she fix that? Anyway, I'm gonna go now, wish me luck Stacey! x

"Tell me more about yourself Coralie, where you grew up, what growing up was like, you know? Just everything, I want to get to know you."

Those were Mrs Morgan's exact words to me. Honestly, such nerves she's got. But I indulged her a little and answered as sharply as I could. Guess what her next words were?

"Hmmn, from what I gather so far, the problem stems from your childhood. You did not have a very happy one, did you?"

At that point Stacey, I had had enough. You know how much I can't stand it when people say I have a problem or talk about my childhood.

 "That's it Ms, I have had enough. Don't you stand there and tell me I have problems or that my childhood wasn't right. How about you fix yours first, huh? Oh sorry, I forgot you've got no problems, cause you're perfect. The problem is with everyone else but yourself. All you counsellors, therapists or whatever you call yourselves are the same"  I finished.

At this point Stacey, I was so exhausted and I stormed off.

I've had enough Stacey, I really have. Why can't the world just leave me alone? Why should it be a problem that I don't have any friends at school or talk to anyone in this care home. I get the grades required at school, do my chores here, isn't that good enough? I'm not an angry kid, I just like to be by myself. I hate people, yes that's true, but I don't take it out on them except the cause me to, of course.

I think I'm loosing it, Stacey. Of late, I've been having suicidal thoughts. Wouldn't it be better if I just end it now? Then I'm sure my soul with be at peace, away from this wicked world. Stacey, Stacey, don't go quiet on me, I'm loosing it...

 ***

P.S- This is a new series and it would run for the rest of July on Wednesdays.  As usual, use the comments box below and tell me what you think xx