Through the Lens of a 12-year Old- Part 2

I finally got round to writing the concluding part of this story. It took me about five months. lol. If you missed the first part, read it here . Enjoy!

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I just got back from school and I was surprised to find mum at home. She was sat in the living room, watching TV. The thing is my mum is hardly ever at home, how much more on a week day when she should be at work with her ‘manager’. Here I am, just sat in the study pretending to do my homework, but I’m very restless. I have this burning urge to go speak to mum about everything that’s been going on in this place we call home. I just don’t know what to say to her. I’m petrified. Should I? Should I not? What if she snaps? She always does. She has the worst mood swings. But what have I to lose? I’ll do it.

Me: hey mummy, can I talk to you?
Mum: Yes sweets, of course you can.
Wow, I did not see that coming; such a warm reception. It’s not like we don’t have our good moments, we do but it’s such a rarity.
Me: mum, you know I love you very much? I really do
Mum: Ye...yes and I love you too, you know that right?
Me: Yes, I do but I’m hurting mum, I am. Do you not see that? There is no joy in this house. As hard as it is to say this, I hate it here. Do you know how many times I’ve thought about ending my own life? I still thought about it on Saturday. You and dad are always at arguing, why? I’m so tired of it. Don’t you love him? Did he do something to you?

Source

All the while, my mum had her eyes fixed on the TV. It was a bit annoying at first, but I just decided to talk anyway. One way or the other, my words would filter into her ears. She turned to me for a split second, it was then I noticed tears welling up in her eyes. I stopped speaking and just watched her. She had her face towards the TV again and trying to stop the tears, albeit unsuccessfully. I instinctively moved closed her to her and wrapped my tiny, long hands around her. We both stayed that way for what felt like a good five minutes. At this point, the tears were flowing freely from my eyes too. I tried to stop it, I didn’t want her to see me crying. I wanted to be strong for her, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The waterworks increased. She let go of me and opened her mouth to speak again.

Mum: You asked if he hurt me? Well, not him personally, I think I Just took it out on him. Just before I married your dad, I was heart-broken. I had been with another guy for six good years and out of the blues, he wakes up and decides to break the relationship. I was shattered. I had no idea why. My self-esteem took a nosedive. I felt completely alone. A few months after the break-up, I met your dad. He was so sweet to him, truth is, he still is. I liked him a great deal, but I don’t think I loved him. Or should I say I just never gave myself the opportunity to love him. I was still pinning over my ex.

She stopped talking all of a sudden, as though she just realised something.

Mum: I can’t believe I’m telling you all these. You’re too young, I’m really sorry. I don’t want to bothe...

I cut her off before she could finish.

Me: Mum, it’s okay. I’m not complaining. Please talk to me. I’m thirteen next month anyway, I’m almost an adult.

She laughed slightly and began to speak again.

Mum: The truth is I married your dad because I didn’t want to feel left out. I wasn’t getting any younger. Most of my friends were already having kids and there I was depressed and lonely. I didn’t want to be single too. I thought marriage would automatically take away the loneliness, but it didn’t.  I brought all these baggage and hurt from my previous relationship into this marriage and took out my frustrations on your dad. I’ve done things I’m not proud of,  I’ve deliberately tried to hurt him, just so he could divorce me and maybe I would find some sort of completeness with another man, but he just wouldn’t leave. He has stuck around for 14 good years!

Me: He’s really a good man, mum. Why don’t you give this marriage a chance? Do you really think you would find this completeness in another man?

Mum: That’s the weird thing, I just feel like this void and emptiness in my heart cannot be filled by any man. It feels like it’s so deep that no man can really fill. I don’t know sweetie, I just want more.

Me: Mum, I think Jesus might be the answer. I’ve never really believed much in this Christianity thing but, I’m beginning to think there really might be a God. Just three weeks ago, my Sunday school teacher talked about praying to God to change the heart of our loved ones and I’ve been praying for you every day since then. And look at what’s happening? Maybe we really should give this God a try, what do you think?

Just then, we both turned towards the TV as the words from the advert filtered into the living room. “Are you feeling like your life is a mess? Do you have a void so deep that you wonder what can fill it? Are you unsure of the existence of God ? Why not buy Gabriel Witherspoon’s new book and get answers to all these questions.....give Jesus a try today”. The advert ended.

Right there and then, mum and I surrendered our lives to God.  There were no fireworks or thunderstorm as we did that, there was no voice that was calling out our names, but there was a peace that instantly filled our hearts. 

It’s amazing how much our lives have been transformed since then and even more evident is the joy in our home. Now, I can confidently say I have the best and most loving parents in the world.