Hey everyone, this post is about something a lot of us have struggled with or still struggle with. It's low self esteem. Please read, learn from it, leave comments and share.
By the way, did you notice what I did there? I went straight into the topic, totally ignoring the fact that I haven't blogged for months and hoping you wouldn't realise. Well, I think it worked, so let's continue :D
Low self esteem is so rampant and I've also been a victim of it in the past. For me, I never used to feel good enough. I felt like I could never really measure up to other people in my age group. They just seemed to have it all and I didn't or so I thought. I remember going for a friend's birthday over 3 years ago and I was just not comfortable. The issue was my friend was attending Imperial College at the time and as a result, most people in attendance were from Imperial as well. I on the other had just finished from a University no where near as glamorous or as good as that. As a result, I couldn't really flow well with everyone. I just thought they were all better than me and it really affected my confidence.
This is just one incidence, but it wasn't just limited to this. It was the way I saw myself day in, day out and it reflected in my speech, my relationships and everything else. Now, I'm sure some of you may be thinking 'errr, this isn't really serious' and I do agree, it probably isn't, when compared to what you are facing or what you faced. But it was still an issue and it could have gotten worse, but thank God it didn't.
I know some of you reading this feel like you're not pretty or handsome enough, you're not smart/intelligent enough, you're not rich enough, you don't speak well enough, you don't have a job that's good enough or a degree and because of all these, you feel incomplete and think poorly of yourself. You need to stop it and sop it now!
I know you've probably heard this before, but I'll say it again- there is always going to be someone who's prettier, there's always going to be someone who seems to have it all together, there is always going to be someone who is richer, but there is NEVER going to be another you. You are unique, you are perfect and you are enough! You don't need 'likes' on Instagram to know you're pretty, neither do you need the opposite sex to validate you for you to 'feel' complete. You know what you need? You simply need to know who Christ has made you to be. Emphasis on the word 'made'. It is a finished work. You are not just going to become pretty, you are pretty because He made you so. You aren't just going to become smart/intelligent, you are smart and intelligent because He made you so. You are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 2:10) and I'll say it again, you are enough!
But the thing about low self-esteem is, no matter how much I scream you're pretty, intelligent, good enough or anything else, if the affected party does not believe it, then we're back to where we started from. That's why it wouldn't surprise me if a person crowned as the most beautiful girl in the world has low self-esteem because she doesn't think she's pretty enough. It all boils down to what SHE thinks or feels.
I can't really point out the time I got over my self-esteem issues, but right now I can confidently say I have absolutely no regard for whether or not people think I'm pretty or intelligent or good enough. It really does not bother me. I mean you could point at me and tell me 'you're so ugly' and it really wouldn't mean a thing to me, honestly speaking. You know why? I'm so much more than that. I'm more than what you think of me. I am who Christ has made me, nothing short of that and so are you. You are more than Facebook and Instagram 'likes'. You are more than compliments. Don't get me wrong, it feels nice to get compliments and get lots of 'likes' on your social media posts or pictures, but when I don't get them, it really doesn't matter. I'm not going to sob or try to expose my body or show off material things just to get peoples compliments and approval.
I maybe wrong, but I think people that have self-esteem issues are mostly those who do not know
their purpose on earth or those who haven't really come to terms with it. When you do know why God brought you here, the issues that bring about low self-esteem will just become irrelevant. Your purpose is what will consume you. You'll realise that there's more to you than a pretty face or a degree or material things.
So if you're struggling with a low self-esteem, I want you to go to God today and forget about whatever has caused it, but start asking Him about your purpose and why He has you here for such a time as this. I assure you, before long the those things that seemed so big would become a distant memory and you will be consumed by your purpose.
Be sure to keep me posted and Happy new year!
xx
In these days of social media, it's so easy to feel inadequate or struggle with self esteem. I remember reading somewhere that people post so much pictures on Instagram to seek validation (I paraphrased). Or people who deliberating post pictures that reveal their bodies just for the likes. Lol.
ReplyDeleteI really do not care what people think about what I look like or if I don't have certain stuff. Miss me with that. What I think I have always struggled with and maybe I still do, is not feeling intelligent enough. Or smart enough.
I know right? Social media has caused so much harm (and good too).
DeleteWell, whether you like it or not, you are smart enough! It's all in you and in your DNA, show it forth.
No Oh! Tomi, not gonna happen.. We no go gree. You have to first tell us where you went and why you left us? That was not fair nah? You know ehn.. Some of us refreshed your Blog Weekly all last Quarter? **Criying in French. Anyhow sha, this post was dope, so you are forgiven... **Shines teeth.
ReplyDeleteSo this line sank into my confused head: "You are unique, you are perfect and you are enough!" and I am taking that with me.. Something about MY life is that often times, i un-consciously find myself measuring my state of life with another.. You know i weight my tiny wealth, appearance, assets, jobs, S/O and all in comparison with another, and when ever i do this yeah, i immediately begin to feel down inside me. Since i learnt to focus on my life and not anothers Bubba, its helped me big time, cause in all sincerity yeah Tomi, measuring your level of life based on another persons level of life only makes us down, and heating on anothers success will only make us evil.. So like my blog mother www.janylbenylshares.com says: "Focus on your personal growth, and if others seem to be growing faster, ask them for tips rather than hate on them." About social media, call me vain and immature oh, but I unfollow anyone who makes me feel insecure or doesnt inspire me.. I mean its my account nah abi?! So if anyone starts to seem like he is Bill Gates, I unfollow you sharply... dasaalll. Cheers Bubba, I beg you in the name of MTN, please dont leave us alone again.. Biko.. **Crying in French.
Thank you so much for the constant love you've shown me on blogsphere, very nice.
DeleteI love what your 'blog mum' said. It makes so much sense.
Same, I un-follow people on social media that don't really add anything to me as well. There's so much junk around anyway, no need having it on my IG too..lol
For your sake, I will attempt to be a lot more consistent..lol
I do get tired of writing, I think I prefer to talk, but then again that's A LOT of work to record videos. So yea, I don't know what I'm going to do.
I used to have flashes of low self esteem, I out grew it though. Now I think my self confidence is pouring especially whenever I remember God is always in control. Nice write up
ReplyDeletewww.realcilverly.blogspot.com
Thank you for stopping by Ike Chioma.
DeleteAnd yes, you're right. God is always in control. A good practice will be to look up to him, rather than look down at our inadequacies. Reminds me of 2 Corinthians 3:5.
I'll check out your blog as well.
I used to have flashes of low self esteem, I out grew it though. Now I think my self confidence is pouring especially whenever I remember God is always in control. Nice write up
ReplyDeletewww.realcilverly.blogspot.com
At the risk of sounding very cliché, I have to say you hit the nail on the head. I wonder why you think this isn't serious stuff? Low self esteem is an emotional affliction that affects loads of people.
ReplyDeleteI believe that maintaining an healthy self esteem is a continuing process. You may think you have it today but there will always be incidences that will challenge it
I am also inclined to believe and one's self esteem gets better over the years (my personal opinion). I say that because many times these days, I just shrug and tell myself 'Am I bovvered'? after an incidence that probably would have troubled me in the past.
Low self esteem could be brought about by many factors and some of these factors can be dealt with or improved on.
For example someone could have developed low self esteem because he/she has a certain smell (aka body or mouth odour). Speaks very provincial English, has misshapen dentition, strabismus etc.
Such people may get stares from others that make them feel funny and they could then begin to be 'people shy'
But these things can be dealt with (mouthwash/scaling and polishing, Braces, Elocution classes, strabismus surgery etc) and it's amazing how such people's feeling of self worth and self esteem can shoot up.
I know for a fact that some kids are offered strabismus surgery not necessarily to restore vision in the deviated eye but to help them psychologically.
Now having talked about the physical ways of remedying some of the factors that could bring about low self esteem, how does one then deal with factors that are not changeable? For instance in the case of a guy that has low self esteem because he is short. Is he going to wear shoe lifts all the days of his life?
Such a person has to remind himself about who God says he is and walk daily by that revelation no matter what anyone thinks.
So in summary, I believe that people should tackle as much as possible whatever physical issues it is that reduces their self esteem and in the cases where it's not achievable, then they need to know that they can still be all they want to be irrespective of those issues.
I love the different perspectives you've brought to this issue and I think you're right as well, it's a continuous process.
DeleteWith regards to the physical ways of remedying it I agree, but only to an extent. I say that because I don't believe our self-esteem/confidence should come from anything other than God. It shouldn't be from our physical appearance or our achievements or the heights we've attained. What if we have those things today and they're gone tomorrow?
For example, you mentioned strabismus. What if the surgery is successful but then 5 months later, the eyes goes back to what it used to be (I don't know how possible that is though)? Doesn't that mean they would go back to having low self-esteem?
But yes, I do agree, treat the physical issues as much as you can, but still your confidence shouldn't be from that, it should be from God. He is the only one that's constant. Every other thing may change.
That's what I think.
Thanks for taking out time to leave this comment :)
I am going to God today and forgetting that I am not smart enough ; I will ask him to help me realize my full potential in Christ. Thanks Tomi for making me remember I am pretty and smart enough and I am enough in Him...
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome dear. And remember that "Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." (2 Cor 3:5 NIV) KJV even says, our sufficiency is from God. So in Him, we are enough! I love that scripture so much.
DeleteIf someone told u ur ugly rili? Even a blind man knows u aren't. Well I like d 'made' part. Its a finished process. Therefore our feeling not gud enuf or worrying won't add to our already made self. Tanx for dat light.
ReplyDeleteIts Bito.
Lol, thank you very much Bito :)
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