Readers' Mail: Should I give in?

'Readers' Mail' is a new segment on this blog where I respond to messages/questions from blog readers.

The aim is to provide wise, godly counsel in love. So if you have any questions or issues that you're facing and you've been struggling to find someone to speak to about it, here's your chance :)

Send me an email on or send me a message on any of my social media platforms if you have it. Please indicate if you would like to be anonymous.



"Hey Tomi,

How do you cope in the dating world and being a christian? I mean not letting go of your beliefs?

The thing is there is this guy who claims he is a dope christian but sex or living together is a must for him. Even though I said no, but this guy is cute!!! The guy was trying to play it in such a way that I will be begging for it later and it seems like everyone is getting married and so on and voila, I don't even have a toaster*.

Do you think there's anything like a 21st century christian?


*Suitor, admirer

My Response:

Hello D, thank you for your message. I've broken my response into three paragraphs to address the three points.

I've just always told myself that if he's not a christian, it's not happening. When I say christian, I don't just mean church goer. I mean someone who has an intimate personal relationship with God. Whilst it's easy for people to fake these things, when we ourselves have that intimate relationship with God, it makes it easier. Secondly, we have the help of the Holy Spirit to help us discern who's real and who isn't. Knowing God for myself and knowing His Word helps me know what is and what isn't acceptable by Him. So if a guy is saying or doing things that are not in line with God's Word, just cut them off immediately. I know this is difficult especially when you're attracted to the person.

Sweetie, here's the plain truth, you're worth much more than that, so you need to break it off now. It's hard, I know and as you've said, he's cute so that make it even harder. A christian is a follower of Christ who obeys the commandments of the One they follow. This guy that you described isn't following God's Word, so he isn't a christian as he claims. Whilst I acknowledge that we as christians are working towards perfection, there is a difference between living in sin and falling into sin.  Everyone is getting married and you don't even have a toaster? No big deal. Don't stress. Tell God your desires and let Him know how you feel. It doesn't take Him forever to do anything. He created the Heavens and the Earth in 7 days. More importantly, get deeper in your intimacy with Him. No one and nothing can satisfy like He does (I know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth. I know this firsthand). Surround yourself with great christian friends but offline and online (social media) that will push you to get a deeper relationship with God.

Finally, no, I don't think there's anything like a 21st century christian. A christian 2000 years ago still fits the same definition of a christian today. Times change, seasons change, new trends come in, but God's Word is constant. If it was wrong according to His Word years ago, it's still wrong today. The bible isn't like an app or operating system that we update to fix bugs or to match our current needs.

Phew, we got there finally! Lol. I know that was a long response, I'll work towards making it shorter next time.

Did I miss anything out or do you disagree with anything I've said? Let me know in the comments section. 'D' would like to hear your opinions as well :)


  1. Sound, smart,spiritual advice! The third paragraph especially made a lot of sense. Good work ��

    1. Thank you darling! And thanks for reading. I hope you like the new layout?

  2. Yyyaaaaayy! Tomi is back **Wears Mr. Nigeria smile... Bubba i am loving the new Template and angle of perspective already! SomeboRRy is diversifying i see :) **Shines teeth.. Okay so for the record I am very confused by nature.. hence my perspective might be a bit skewed ... but this line hit me the most.. the one that went:

    "there is a difference between LIVING in sin and FALLING into sin"

    And to it I went Preach Bubba.. Preacchh.. But Tomi, i for one believe in doing whatever rocks your both, and i believe in HappYness :).. I mean if The guy is demanding Sex, then he is obviously a Guy man Born Again. **Plenty pun Intended... heheh but thats not my point.. My point to the writer of the mail is Do you as a lady want to indulge in Sex, or do you wanna stay chaste till marriage?! I mean its kinda up to you and your happiness.. Please and please.. i kindly plead in French... dont let anyboRRy box you into being pressured.. So what if everyone is getting married.. He wants Sex, how are you sure he wont leave you afterwards?! If you dont want it, stand ya ground and if he stays regardless.. Maybe you could do it later on if you decide to.. But dont be pressured into nada...My confused thoughts above.. Cheers Bubba...

    P.S: Nice one Tomi, this was such a ghen ghen read and you have us glued to our Screens as usual.. and the crowd goes...Oooossshhheeey Turn uP! I do hope my thoughts above are accepted, as all I am is but a 23 years 5 months and 2 days old Young and confused man :)

    1. Thank you Duru. I'm glad you like the new template.

      Thanks for sharing your opinion on the post as well. However, I'll have to disagree with you. It's not about what she wants. She's a Christian, so really it's about what God wants. There are so many things that our flesh wants but as christians, we must say 'no' because they displease the God we serve. I mean, if you love someone you wouldn't want to intentionally hurt the person by doing the very things they hate, would you?

      Thanks for stopping by :)

  3. Seems like a really great idea, feedback is always important and its nice to read some refreshing thoughts about different perspectives. Thanks for sharing!




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